The first point I truly believe the LORD put on my heart is how woman are respectful. I don't know about you, but that triggers me. Especially as a recovering feminist (which I still believe in feminism to some degree - obviously I believe in women's rights lol, because the LORD has clearly shown me that we are equals, just in different ways, but that's for another time), but with this "woman is respectful bit" the enemy tugs at the hardened parts of my heart and screams - "ARE YOU SERIOUS? I'm supposed to respect men (especially my partner/husband), even though/when they/he doesn't? That's inherently patriarchal." That's BS. They need to respect first and then I will follow. They need to exalt me first, then I'll love them/show him love. (This is a huge revelation I've had with people in general lol).
There seems to be this tone of, well I have to give respect in order to earn my respect that I really don't jive with. Diving into the scripture though, v. 10 "An excellent wife who can find?" that already tells us, it's rare. We as respectful woman, it's going to be hard, it's not going to come natural, and because of it, it's not easy to find.
This already prompts questions for me such as:
Am I actually as respectful as I think I am? (especially towards my husband/parents/children/friends)
Am I really as precious as jewels or am I just like every other woman who simply lives the "norm" of what woman are in the world today? (independent, bold, smart talker, witty, demanding, gets what she wants, etc...)
Then I think, damn, I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to be as precious as jewels, especially to my husband.
I think back on a memory of being in this humongous jewelry store in Thailand. It was so magnificent and something out of a movie. Dark, and moody, with dimmed lighting, where the jewelry cabinets shown bright white light. Lotus flowers carved into the walls. I remember we were given a tour of the facility before entering the area to shop and ultimately buy. I was a teenager, I didn't know what I wanted, but I remember having a healthy amount of respect for all the gems in this place. Jewels, which we deem as precious, are respected. Whether that be respect to buy, or respected when we wear them, they are undoubtedly valuable. Just as a good woman is. Valuable beyond measure. Precious.
Which sets up this entire deep dive. I don't know about you, but I want my husband to value me and respect me and look at me like I'm the most precious jewel in his life.
v. 12 "She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life."
I'm thinking about Anthony and I and how I pray almost every day that I want to support him and uplift him, which this verse speaks to. This makes me remember I want to do good to my husband, I love him, I don't want to harm him, at any time. I want to always, for the rest of my life do good to him, which is what we usually vow to do when we get married. I think I can speak in 'we' form because I don't know anyone who vows during their wedding to do harm to one another. That wouldn't make sense.
But do I actually show him enough respect so that he doesn't feel harmed?
Or do my little quips and comments harm him internally and he just deals with it on top of everything else?
Knowing what I know now about men, I truly believe that men and women are totally different in needs. I don't even believe the lie anymore that men want to be exalted. Now that I'm studying the Bible more, I see that actually men have the "worse" job. Their role is extremely vital, it holds pressures that I personally don't want, and they are actually meant to exalt their wives. However, how can they really do that, exalt their wives, if they in turn don't feel like we uplift them?
I do see now that what men really need to feel good is respect and loyalty.
We'll get to the loyalty party, but the respect piece is so vital. To be a proverbs 31 woman, a godly woman, a woman who fears the LORD, we have to have respect for our husbands. In knowing how this proverbs finishes, respect lends to respectable which leads to respected.
We as women are called to be respectful because our good works glorify Jesus.
I think we hold an innate energy and "power" that does set the tone of the household. When I'm respectful towards my husband, he's 100% more willing to do anything I need or ask, as well as pretty much just wanting to make me happy all the time. It's when I become disrespectful or not even blatantly disrespectful, but showing disrespect toward what he needs/wants, when tension starts to form.
Yes, Biblically the man is supposed to lead, but without respecting his words, decisions, needs, wants, the woman chooses to be misaligned from the oneness.
So what are we supposed to do when we don't agree or don't want to do what our husbands ask?
I'd love comments and chatting here, because I don't have an answer to that. Like I said in the intro post, I'm learning along side you. lol! I don't know what the right answer is... but I will say I know fire does not fight fire. If Anthony is being moody, which in all honesty he falls into quite a bit when under stress, which as a student pilot and full time employee at his flight school, is quite a bit of the time lately (stressed).
The other day he was talking rough to me. That's the only way I know how to say it. Rough. It wasn't mean or ugly, but it was jabby, and felt like every time he spoke to me he had a little bit of a punch behind his words. He even said I was just taking everything personal and being too sensitive.
I remember praying on it for a few days and suddenly felt compelled to speak to him one evening before bed.
I said, "Babe, I have to talk to you. I love you, I know you are under so much stress right now so it's probably unintentional, but you've been speaking to me really rough lately."
He said, "I know babe. I'm so sorry. I've noticed it but my mind is on so many other things, the words and tone come out before I have time to catch up."
He then proceeded to open up and tell me all the things that are first of mind, what's going on at his school/work, and everything he's dealing with physically, mentally, and emotionally.
We were able to pray together and since then, I can tell he's been really intentional about how he speaks to me.
Also, there's something in v. 10 "the heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain."
I can't quite articulate it fully yet, but I'll try. It feels like when your husband trusts that you will be respectful, that he can just continue doing the job he needs to do. He know's his wife is doing her part, so he can do his. He will not be overcome by things that he doesn't need to focus on to lead the family well, because he's not in a constant battle with the other half which makes the whole.
So ladies, I ask, are you respectful? respectable? respected?
If not, where can you change your own rhythm or habits? And if so, freaking amazing. So proud of you, please comment on how we can be better at it.
But I want to encourage every woman here to find some way they AREN'T respectful so that we would tear the weed at the root. We can always do better. We are all learning to be more like Jesus, because we cannot actually be him and we can't be perfect. We aren't called to perfection.
But how can we be more aware of ourselves so we may uplift our husbands?
What would happen if we softened our tongues and showed more encouragement and respect towards the man of the household?
I think that's all for now. I'd love to hear what comes through for you on respect, being respectable, and ultimately how when you respect and are respectable, you become respected.
Love you so much! May God reveal more through the week and may you and your family feel his goodness and heavenly blessings!
