First things first, it blows my mind that the first time points of a proverbs 31 woman is respect and loyalty.
This is pretty much what all men want in their core. They are designed to look at these things above other pieces in a relationship.
It makes me think about how many men cheat on their women, and people talk about how ugly that woman is, how could he cheat on her when their own person was so good looking -- and you realize, it's while men are attracted to beauty, that's not what they are designed to truly crave.
And I'm in no way condoning cheating lol, but for some reason the algorithm has been serving up these reels on IG for me, and it's been on my heart. An evolved, healed man doesn't need something only shiny or beautiful. What his heart needs is a woman that respects him and is loyal to him. That's how he's designed to feel fully loved (and held down).
Secondly, I'm going to be honest with you. (And I so deeply want to hear your own experience with this...) Integrity has not been a high value of mine for most of my life.
Only once I met Anthony have I valued integrity, because I saw it in him, and understood, wow maybe my relationships aren't great BECAUSE I don't value integrity.
I confess, besides Anthony, I've cheated on every single person I've dated.
Pretty shameful when I think about it but I was also cheated on in every one of my relationships. Every single one. I'm trying to think if there was ever a relationship I wasn't, but I swear, it didn't matter if it was a boy or a girl, I always found myself heartbroken, finding out I wasn't the only one.
I definitely wasn't a follower of Jesus yet, and I thought whatever, it's the culture. (God really does give us glimpses at the world and the flesh, but it's only once we are awakened that we can truly see it. Reminds me of John 9.)
I always told myself, when the right one comes I'll clean up my act. Which is kind of funny, because in some ways that was true... Anthony was the first person I didn't want to potentially lose. My subconscious KNEW to be better with this one.
But still, integrity is a hard one for me to reflect on because it's sorta-kinda foreign to me. I've been working on it for about 10 years. It's still a real work in progress for me.
There are so many times that I want to lie. In actuality, never to Anthony, but for example, to my parents. There's been so many times I know they will disapprove of something (even something small) and I rather just not deal with their judgment or their opinion, so I want to tell them something different than that's true... and Anthony has told me time and time again, as an adult woman, I don't need to lie to my parents.
But it's so much easier to tell a little white lie and keep it moving. Don't you think?
Lol, sin is really so interesting. Lying is a sin. Lying is not worse than any other and yet, for me, it's so easy to do. Forgetting that even the little while lies to keep the day moving are what give my flesh micro-permission to lust after my other idols.
So I'm so genuinely interested on how the woman relate to trustworthiness and loyalty and integrity.
Because integrity is so crucial. It's doing the right thing, even when no one is looking. And while the exact verse where I received this bullet point (PV 31:11) speaks to "the heart of her husband" - I know that this is just a trait that God desires for us, period.
I'll be so real with you. If no one is looking, my mind often tells myself that no one will know, so it doesn't really matter.
The other day, I was at Target. Mind you, I'm a grown 36 year old woman, I know right from wrong. We were getting bins to do some organizing and my son had picked out an Ollipop for me, which I put in the cart cupholder. We went to check out, and I totally forgot to ring the soda up. And as I was walking out, almost to the doors, I noticed it. My mind raced. I should take it back, I should go pay for it. But I was basically out the doors. I slowed my pace subconsciously, trying to decide what I wanted to do, but I kept walking. It was then that I realized I had forgotten to also ring up some bins underneath the cart, that I turned myself around and paid for everything I had forgotten.
Y'all I was ready to leave that store without paying. I really was. No-one noticed me or the can. But because I knew there was more to be paid for, I knew it was wrong and I had to go back. But if it had just been that can, I don't know, it didn't really feel terrible enough to do the right thing. I knew it was wrong. My heart raced. My mind justified it all... and yet, I was willing to do the wrong thing.
Based on a quick Google search --
Integrity is:
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Being honest and transparent
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Keeping promises
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Admitting mistakes and taking responsibility
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Aligning your life with God's Word
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Trusting that God loves you and His commands are for your good
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Building trust and respect in relationships
Questions to ask:
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Where do I let the door open for the enemy (to waltz through) with my micro lies, either to myself or to my friends, family, and especially my husband?
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Where do I feel integrity is hardest for me in this season?
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How can I grow more in loyalty and respect for my husband, so he never needs to question those areas?
When read the last bullet point about building trust and RESPECT in a relationship, it is such a reminder that all relationships are built on trust. The little micro things we do can ultimately break trust with a person in an instant... while the bigger things can destroy a relationship completely.
A wife that does good to her husband and to others, is someone who can be trusted fully, without question.
There's something so beautiful about being in a relationship with someone that you just KNOW you can trust.
I love how God's Word puts things together.
We respect our husbands, which then leads them to trust us fully, which allows for them to understand we are dependable (which is our bullet point for next week; wk 3).
And with the respect, trust, and dependability, we as Proverbs 31 woman do our husbands good all the days of his life.
Has trust, loyalty, and integrity been something easy for you, or do you find it is a conscious cross to carry every day?
